Professionalism is a joke.

This semester I have the goal of running a 5K in April.  This seemed totally doable in January.  But now I am le tired.  I can run a mile and a half right now, though, so we will see.

Neuroanatomy exam I on Thursday.  I am terrified.  I have been working myself into the ground and I feel like it won't be enough.  Having spent easily 30 hours on that class in the last four days, I am taking a bit of a break tonight.  And paying for it tomorrow by getting up [shudder] really early.  But I can't do it tonight.  I can't.  Maybe tomorrow I will be able to.

Today I took a Phys exam, number II for the semester.  Before the first test I was warned by multiple second-years not to really study the material, but instead to memorise the old exams.  The good student in me rejected this and instead I studied the material really hard.  I barely passed that test.  For this one, I barely studied by comparison; I spent roughly four hours memorising old exams and maybe two hours going over the actual material.  That has to be a fourth of the time I sank into preparing for the first test. 

I scored over a full letter grade higher. 

Beating the system is not fulfilling.  Call it idealistic of me, but I would much rather have to study the material and then take a test that is somewhat challenging, and then have a grade that directly correlates with the quality of my studying.  Most of my exams are not like this, thank goodness.  But even having one like this bothers me a lot, because it's wrong.  Just wrong.

Also.  Class tends to be varying levels of a waste of time, ranging from 'sort of' all the way out to 'My time would be better spent in the wrong line at the DMV.'  The issue is that I don't have time to waste not learning unless I am actively taking a break from learning.  (Side note: everything that is not studying is a break from studying.  Food.  Commute.  Using the toilet.  Conversation.  Everything.  Sleep is not on this list, as I frequently wake myself up studying - listing things, going through procedures, etc. - and all of my dreams are related to school).  So to go to class expecting it to be four hours of learning and to walk out feeling like you'd just been told you were, in fact, in the wrong line at the DMV is beyond frustrating.

So don't go, you say.  Ah.  But.

Apparently I attend  a 'professional' institution, by which I mean people are highly unprofessional all the time, unless someone gets annoyed about something, at which point they reach into his/her ill-fitted scrubs and throw a good old-fashioned hissy fit someone a professional foul card.  So when people stop coming to class, other people get annoyed and start throwing cards and insults around, spreading small lacerations and all kinds of irritation.  Come to class! they say.  It's your professional responsibility!  And if you really think it's stupid then just come and study while you are in class.

This does indeed leave one with a moral dilemma.  One must study, which precludes paying attention in class; but one must apparently attend class, because it is one's professional responsibility.  But is it professional to attend class and blatantly do something unrelated to the lecture?  Someone reading a textbook (or IM chatting, or playing Mario on the computer) looks very different than someone listening.   Which is more respectful, uninterestedly filling a seat or not filling one at all?  The card-throwers are resoundingly silent when I pose this question, which I have done repeatedly.