I'm not sure if that was worth it.

Well, I survived the neuro exam.  Even for medical school, the study period for that test was stressful and bizarre.  I honestly don't think I have studied that hard for any test ever save the MCAT - you know, the test that got me in this place.  Let me take a moment and clarify the term "studying hard."  I mean that every single day for the last two weeks, I have spent at least six hours studying for that class.  This is aside from any day-to-day work I have to do.  On Saturday I spent almost nine hours on this stuff, and the only reason I didn't spend that much time on Sunday is because I had a Physiology exam Monday that I had to get ready for.  So, two thoughts:

1. If I had studied that hard for even half of my exams last semester, I would have gotten straight A's.  Guaranteed.
2. If I had studied that hard for my exams last semester, Matt and I might be separated right now.  I have barely seen him for two weeks and it has been miserable.  Last semester I frequently said that as someone who was married, I came prepackaged with certain priorities that sit above medical school.  This should also be true for anyone who comes in with kids.  Having those priorities out of order this week was terrible and I am glad it is over (for a while).

I am trying not to obsessively check online for my grade; I have only failed twice three times. But the more I think about it, the more I realise that doing well on that test will only partially justify all the time and effort I sank into preparing for it.  In my other classes I don't think I could justify that level of sacrifice at all.  And there it is.  I am not willing to give up enough to earn straight A's, full stop.  And so it won't happen.

This closes doors.  For example, I already know that this will make it almost impossible for me to ever get into surgery, which is okay.  I do not want to do surgery.  Surgeons can't lead normal lives and everyone in the medical field knows it.  Why would you even want that?

Tonight is date night for Matt and me.  I'm excited to get back to what's actually important.