Hx - Light ahead?

So you might say that blogs are my coping mechanism this semester.  And I just read an entry that gives me hope, not just that things will get better at some point, but that things can get good.

Read this post and you will see what I mean.

I want that.  THAT.  thatthatthatthatthat (er, minus the babies and possibly the yoga).  And it is so good to know that it is possible to slog through the next five years and come out the other side and be able to NOT work all the time.  I will have the option of being selfish, of setting boundaries.  I understand the sacrifice I'd be making, of course.  Those who are excellent are not usually happy or balanced, and vice versa.  But when I look ahead I see my options fanning out in front of me now; it's not just about being the best doctor possible and saving! the! world! and becoming this Doctor that everyone admires unconditionally.  That's what I dreamed of, vaguely, growing up.  Now, however, I can see that I would be happy in a different way just doing what I can at work, being just a doctor, and coming home and having time to be happy, to write, to read (to dig into my Bible!  oh!), to sleep.  To have friends.  To have a husband who gets to see me every day (or close to).  I love what EMPhysician said:

"I believe that being rich means having choices, period. Money certainly allows for more choices (to a point), and is therefore a necessary part of the equation. But, choosing how you spend your time, where you spend your time, who you spend your time with, etc...for me actually defines "rich." If I'm working 25 shifts/month, I may have a $30,000+ bring home salary/month, but really, I'm not rich if I have to go to work frikin 25 days/month!!"

So true.  And one thing I have ALREADY learned from my tiny amount of time doing this is that I don't feel fulfilled by being hardcore.  Working my butt off and being exhausted and not having time for anyone (including myself) doesn't make me feel good, it just makes me feel neglectful, neglected and tired.  Don't get me wrong.  I am more than willing to do what it takes to succeed over the next five or six years.  I'm committed to that, and I've made my peace with it.  But a large part of that being okay is the hope that there is something better on the other side of the mountain.  I think if I knew without a doubt that I would always be working this hard and feeling this downtrodden, I would have to quit and... I don't know, go get my master's and do [shudder] research or something.  Whatever, you get the point. 

I don't think I want to sacrifice myself for my profession anymore; I don't think it would be worth it.  And maybe it's a lesser goal, but I think I'd rather try to be happy.