Well, stick a fork in me and call me cake! i.e. I AM DONE

Well.  First year is officially finished.  As in "over."  I passed all of my classes, so no remediation this summer.  I don't really understand it yet.  God was really telling me everything was going to be fine, but I insisted on worrying.  And of course everything was fine.  Anyway, I figured I'd give a little retrospective in a couple of different ways.

Classes:

- Anatomy, first semester.  This class was fascinating - and gross.  Yeah, I said it.  I don't mind helping people out with anatomy next year, but I refuse to be a tutor, simply because I don't want to have to spend my afternoons in that lab ever again. 

- Biochemistry, 1st sem.  Less pleased here.  This class wasn't taught very well.  In fact, none of the classes are taught by 3+ professors have been good so far.  They get very hit-and-miss because there's no continuity.  I'm not sure that I learned much from this class long-term, even though I know I worked my butt off.

- Histology, 1st sem.  I got a B in here too.  I had a leg up here because I took this class in undergrad, which was without a doubt the best thing I've ever done for myself academically.  Not having to climb the learning curve (which is steep) for this class during med school was... huge.  I hated this class anyway, though.

- OMM I, 1st sem.  I love OMM.  It's amazing how the spine moves, how the pelvis is the center of motion, and on and on - and I am actually learning how to manipulate those structures.  My fingertips are so much more sensitive now than they were last August, and I love it.  This is something that, God willing, I'll be able to incorporate into whatever I end up doing.

- Diagnostic Imaging, 1st sem. I kind of hated this class, it seemed so made up.  MRIs are not nearly as clear as doctors would have you think they are.

- Physiology, second semester.  This was another one of those hit/miss classes, which is such a shame, because it was also fascinating.  I know so much more about how the body works now - somewhat despite my professors.

- Microbiology, 2nd sem.  I hated this class and I didn't learn much.  I was extremely thankful to pass just so I wouldn't ever have to deal with the class again.  The second years say you relearn the important parts next year anyway.  Good!  Stupid class.

- Clinical Skilz I, 2nd sem.  I've never seen as many really disgusting pictures as I saw in this class.  This was the first class I couldn't always study for while eating - too many purulent ulcers and necrotic wounds and super gross eye infections, etc.  Don't get me wrong, it was awesome!  But also full of ew.  I gave my first female/ pelvic and male/ rectal exams in this class, and proved to myself that I can be comfortable in uncomfortable situations.  And I now officially have a tiny bit of patient exposure.  Yay!
 
- Neuroanatomy, 2nd sem.  I was beyond thankful to pass this class as well.  I have never worked so hard in a class for so little return.  The crazy thing is that so much of that class is beyond the scope of what we will need to know for next year or boards (certification exams, just after second year).  I'm really glad this class was as interesting as it was, because if I'd had two Microbiologies (hard and I hate learning it) my quality of life would have been significantly lower.

- OMM II, 2nd sem.  This was even better than last semester, just because I know much more and my level of understanding is correspondingly deeper.

- Clinical Epidemiology, 2nd sem.  This class taught us how to interpret studies for their validity and usefulness.  I know a lot of people had issues with the material, and I agree that it was dense, but... [shrug]  I suppose God just didn't designate this class as a burden for me.  Which was nice.

- Medical Spanish I, 2nd sem.  This was a fun class and I hopefully learned a lot of really useful stuff.

Obviously my classes were a mixed bag.  Overall, I'd say I was really, really average this year.  When the classes weren't too bad I did well, and when they were hard I struggled.  But just like the majority of my classmates, I passed all of my classes and am definitely moving on to second year.

I'm not sure I ever really knew what it was like to work hard before this year.  Sure, I worked hard in college, but I kept boundaries most of the time; I still took Saturday nights off, or refused to get up before a certain time, or insisted that meals be separate from studying.  The first time I always read before class was my senior year, when I took - surprise! - histology, which is taught at the medical school level at my college.  Other than that, never before have I had to be disciplined or consistent, the two things that medical school absolutely demands.  Learning that was hard for me.  And choosing new priorities was hard too.  Gone are things like free time and leisure activities; they've been replaced with spending time with my husband, sleeping regularly, exercising, and trying to eat well.  In that respect I feel like I've grown up a lot this past year.

At the same time, I have never had as many stress problems as I had this year.  Sleeping and eating problems, emotional ups and downs... Towards the end of finals this spring, I started feeling like I had tiny bugs crawling on me - and since I'm definitely not on cocaine, the only other answer is that I was just so stressed out I was losing it.  As Christians we have access to a joy that transcends life circumstances, but I can't say I reached that state regularly.  It was just this ridiculous push-pull between me and God, where I would beg for His guidance and He would grant it, and then I would sleep in an extra 15 minutes, or I would get distracted when I could feel the Holy Spirit all but reading my notes to me.  So was this semester a time of spiritual strength or weakness?  I don't know, but God is faithful no matter where I am.

I'm glad to be finished.  And now for the reward: SUMMER!  This Saturday I go to Mexico for my first ever mission trip, and I'm really excited.

I realised this might not have come across very well, so

Just so we're clear.

Medical school is not fun.

That is all.

>.<

Finals, Parte Dos OR Yay Learning

3 down, 4 to go.  Proverbs 30:8 is my lifeline, as it should have been all along.  And I haven't failed anything yet, and I don't think I will, actually.  Which is huge.

Also.  If I have to go downstairs and be the Volume Police to my neighbors ONE MORE @*#&$% time I might lose it.  When I can feel the bass through my butt and it is making the computer vibrate a bit, I am not the one out of line.

...Forget it.  I'm calling campus police.  This is ridiculous.  Last Saturday, despite mandatory campuswide 24-hour quiet hours - you know, as in shh! quiet hours! plz not to be loud and obnoxious shhhhhhhh! SHHHH!! - I had to go downstairs and be That Weird Girl Who Studies On Saturday Nights Instead of Getting Drunk So Please Be Quiet.  They were having a huge house party.  During quiet hours.  Because that is logical.  Agh.  Just follow the rules!  Please! 

Text I sent my best friend this morning: "You know you're growing up when four hours of sleep isn't fun anymore and you don't care about being cool and hardcore."  But it's okay!  Because I met with my professor today and he explained something in such a way that I might even be able to learn it!  And since this is the class that I am barely failing, I need all the comprehension I can get.

Time to go and learn about memory.

Finals, Springing

Okay, two things.

1. Last Monday I did my first male genitalia/ rectal exam, again on a standardised patient.  It was mildly more awkward than the pelvic exam, mostly because my patient refused to ever look me in the eye.  Which is probably a good example of what it will be like when I do real exams.  Also, I got to see a real life umbilical hernia, which was awesome!

2. Finals begin today.  I wouldn't say I'm ready for the exams, but I am really ready for the summer.  Is everyone sick of hearing me say that yet?