Wednesday, July 4

So sweet, this surrender

If I could just get a little room to breathe... My exhaustion is at that point where it's a constant ache in my chest.  I can't seem to get a grip on my application for residency, or sorting out my elective rotations, or studying for boards.  It just feels like there is too much going on and all the deadlines are piled on top of another and I can't fix any of it because I'm working every day.  I have no idea what I'm doing.  Is there a most efficient way to do this?  Can I even get it all done?

I feel most worried about boards because I have to do well, and yet I can feel mediocrity creeping up on me again.  I don't remember pressing snooze for that extra half hour this morning but apparently I did, and I really needed that time for studying.  Or did I need sleep since my head feels stuffed with cotton?

I don't know.


Save me, God,
for the water has risen to my neck.
I have sunk in deep mud, and there is no footing;
I have come into deep waters,
and a flood sweeps over me.
I am weary from my crying;
my throat is parched.
My eyes fail, looking for my God.
But as for me, Lord,
my prayer to You is for a time of favor.
In Your abundant, faithful love, God,
answer me with Your sure salvation.
Rescue me from the miry mud; don’t let me sink.
Let me be rescued from those who hate me
and from the deep waters.
Don’t let the floodwaters sweep over me
or the deep swallow me up;
don’t let the Pit close its mouth over me.
Answer me, Lord,
for Your faithful love is good;
in keeping with Your great compassion,
turn to me. 


O God, you are my God;
    I earnestly search for you.
My soul thirsts for you;
    my whole body longs for you
in this parched and weary land
    where there is no water.
I have seen you in your sanctuary
    and gazed upon your power and glory.
Your unfailing love is better than life itself;
    how I praise you!
I will praise you as long as I live,
    lifting up my hands to you in prayer.
You satisfy me more than the richest feast.
    I will praise you with songs of joy.
I lie awake thinking of you,
   meditating on you through the night.


I am at rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
my stronghold; I will never be shaken.