Let's talk a bit about my brown privilege

[TL;DR: there are some undeniable perks to being brown.  Also, widespread initiatives to help those with need should not be race-based, but rather based on socioeconomic status, to keep selfish pigs like I was from taking advantage of the system.]

It took me a long time to even accept that I am, technically, a black American.  (Well.  Half-black, which technically makes me 'light-skinned' but I am not even going to go into unofficial black castes here today.  ANYWAY.)  It's such a big label; there's so much weight of racism and oppression and anger and race-based aspiration behind that.  Also, a lot of people think that label denotes being African-American, which I am not.  And yet, when it came time for college applications (of course), I saw the many opportunities that I could take advantage of for no better reason than because I was brown.  Would you like to be listed as a minority, or some such question.  Suddenly it made good financial sense to own my skin colour.  In my home state, when it comes to scholarship recognition, it's a rough crowd because there are a lot of Ph.D.s in that area which means a lot of good schools and kids who practice for their SATs and whatnot.  I was just another one of those kids.  Immigrant, educated parents who work hard, middle class.  And I'm smart, but not intellectually special - but certainly smart enough to notice that the bar for black people is set much lower than the race-blind bar, or even the Hispanic bar (I am half Colombian).  So I was suddenly not smart in the wider pool, nor even smart enough to count on my right side, but my left side - the black side - was top of the dogpile.  Yes, thank you, I would like to be listed as a minority in order to use this leg up that I really don't need because I'm not the person you were pityingly thinking of when you created this race-based legislation.

[I am well aware that the honourable thing to do would've been to not declare my minority status, but the truth is before I accepted Christ I was nothing if not a self-centered opportunist.  Being black had never worked for me before that point.  When it came to getting kickbacks from the government, however, suddenly racial identity had utility.  And man, did it have some serious utility.]  

That changed my entire life.  I was able to go to a private university tuition-free in a totally different part of the country, a place with a nearly 100% acceptance rate into medical school.  With odds like that, all I had to do was stay with the pack and I was basically in.  And once you're in medical school, barring a personal disaster you are definitely going to be a doctor. But it also changed me to click that box.  Suddenly I was black, or mixed, or Afro-Caribbean-white-Latina-with-some-indigenous-Colombian, or whatever.  I had this really confusing ethnic identity with all its baggage, and I didn't really want it, but once you pick it up you apparently can't put it down.  So instead I've sort of learned about this set of racial privileges that I have.

...That was probably a surprising statement to some of you.  But did you not think minorities have race-based privileges?  Totally do.

This is what I've found so far:

1. I am allowed to have a Voice.  This is actually backwards from how most people think it is.  Most people think it is still how it was fifty years ago, when a black person was denied a voice by dint of being black.  It is not that way anymore.  Now, white people are not allowed to have voices. What I mean by this is that those of Caucasian descent can't simply have something distinctive to say.  Have you noticed this?  It's especially true in areas concerning ethics, social justice, etc.  They can make small observations on things, but those observations always have to be bookended with, "but-I-am-drowning-in-invisible-white-privilege-so-I-can't-have-any-idea-what-I'm-talking-about-I'm-sorry-for-speaking-out-I-just-thought-maybe-I-noticed-something."  There's a fair amount of talk about how white people can't even have an accurate point of view on something because they are inescapably speaking from a place of privilege, which invalidates everything they say.  Sound familiar? 
   
   Sometimes white people who talk about social issues even get mad at other white people for daring to just say something.  They must be shamefaced about it.  They must internalise that they cannot possibly have a valid point of view, because they are white, and white existence is homogenous and vaguely oppressive.  I never have that problem.  My observations on the social issue of the day are always treated as legitimate.  It's the same with my personal experiences; my contributions to a conversation on racial or social issues are generally treated as somehow truer than a white person's, regardless of background.  In fact, I can literally (and yes, I mean literally) say any ridiculous thing I want, and I will only ever get so much criticism.  This is entirely because my skin is brown.  Here's an example.  White man goes on about hating black people?  He's a monster, but all the black people who go on rants about white people every day are normal and just acting out from the depths of their terrible oppression in our horrible capitalistic society.  Honestly, my pedigree makes me basically untouchable in a conversation if I want to be.  I'm a female double-minority first-generation immigrant.  This means I have the most legitimate point of view there is.  If I claim this label in a conversation with silly people, it's as though I just said, "Well, 2+2 = 4."  All argument stops.  Whatever I have just said is obviously now fact.
   
2. People think I'm awesome for doing normal things.   I mean, I'm black.  My life must have been hard, right?  And actually, there have been hard times, but not in any way that isn't true for all immigrants when they first get here, and later not in a way that can't happen to anyone.  I haven't faced any special pushback from The Man due to my race.  "But Zoe!  Stop being so insensitive!"  you say.  "There are many oppressed black people in our country!  Your experience is not the norm!"  No, it's not.  But there are also many oppressed white people in our country, and no one talks about them because they're meant to have some fancy white privilege (that somehow doesn't lift them out of poverty).
   I have graduated college and I will soon graduate medical school.  I'm pretty excited about that.  But some people, when they find out what I'm pursuing, get inordinately thrilled.  Not everyone can be a doctor.  I'm not disputing that.  So in the sense that I've done something unusual, people are right.  But let's consider my family situation, something that most people don't do.  My mother has two degrees in nursing.  My father has a Ph.D. in physics.   I am not even the first in my generation with multiple degrees; my cousin already beat me to that distinction.  The point I'm trying to make is that at this point I'm dynasty.  I have an educated family; this is normal for us.  Except apparently not, because my brownness means I must have overcome a ton of naysayers, so I'm extra impressive.  I get so many verbal accolades for my hard work, even though some of my white colleagues are the first people in their ENTIRE families to get ANY degree past high school, and yet they fought their way to the professional level.  Good thing their white privilege made it so easy for them, especially the ones who had to work a job in order to make it through medical school.
   
3. I have membership in the Black People Club.  I used to hate this, but I've learned to love it.  Want to know where something is in a hospital?  Don't ask a doctor or a nurse.  Ask a housekeeper or orderly or transport person.  Oh, except you can't, because most of them are black and you're not, so to a lot of them you don't count all the way as a person.  I do, though.  I'm brown.  All of the support staff in my hospital love me for NO other reason than that I'm the little black medical student.  I am every black person's sister or daughter.  They don't know, or care, that I don't have whatever experience we are meant to share that supposedly brings us super close and makes me worth helping.  They also don't know that many of the white doctors and students they don't greet or talk to much have a lot more in common with them than I do.
   
   I've always thought it was very interesting that black people and Latino people are allowed to be openly racially exclusive but Caucasian people cannot do the same without being labelled racist.  Consider the collective chummy media eye-roll when Beyonce said she makes music for black people.  Consider my first college roommate who told me she had to get away from all the "whiteness" on campus and be with "our people" sometimes - even though her father was a dean.  Now imagine if a white person had said those things.  Suddenly much more shocking to you, I'm guessing.

It's really sad that so many Caucasian people accept this assertion that they are less interesting and valuable - that their experiences are less notable or their conclusions less correct - because their skin is pale.  And it's also really sad that so many minority people in this country have internalised the language of racial isolation and race-based struggle on top of whatever personal hardships they may have.  Now everyone loses.