Today we second years had an unexpected treat. One of our instructors brought some of his rheumatoid arthritis patients into our lab to talk to us. It was nice because it was easy, which we all needed because we have a pretty major test tomorrow morning. But it was also nice because it's rare to get the chance to just talk to a patient and learn about how their lives are going and how their disease really impacts that.
One of the patients pleaded with us to have sympathy and patience with people who claim to be in pain but look fine. Another proudly showed us how much she'd recovered while on treatment. "I've had flares where I couldn't move, but now I'm pretty good, look," she said as she opened and closed both hands, then raised her arms out in front and then above her head. "I can straighten out my elbows all the way, and walk, and pick things up. It's a pretty big change."
It really got me thinking about how far I've come. You see, I've been in their shoes. During high school/ college, I suffered from such debilitating back pain I wondered at times if I was going to end up in a wheelchair. I know what it's like to have yet another specialist looking at you with suspicion because you look fine despite your complaints; I know how infuriating it is to see "poss. somatization" written on your chart. But thanks be to God, I got better, and so I know how that feels too. I was afraid to try things at first. I was convinced I would overdo it and bring the pain and weakness back. But now? I can run, lift things, touch my toes, sit in chairs. It's amazing. But that change happened several years ago, and I haven't been celebrating it recently.
So tonight I put on shorts and loud music, and I danced. By myself, in my little living room, despite the looming exam, I danced. Because I can. Because there are people who can't. And because but for the grace of the living Christ, I would still be one of them.
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