November: Obstetrics

My month of OB/Gyn is almost over.  It's been pretty good if quite slow at times.  I must admit, I'm just not a fan of speculum exams.  Not because they seem too private or anything (I don't think that's a problem most medical people have, ha), but... it's just... look, if I never have to smell trichomoniasis or BV again it'll be too soon, okay?  Okay.  And hysterectomies creep me out.  I think I've finally found the area of medicine that I can't depersonalise, and it's to do with female parts.  Like how guys often wince when they watch another man get kicked between the legs.  A future gynecologist I am decidedly not.

Fetal heart sounds are incredible, though.  Run a little ultrasound machine over the mother's tummy and there they are.  They make me smile every time.  And a baby's first cry?  It gives me shivers.  I didn't think I was someone who could be overwhelmed - even momentarily - by the bright miracle of birth, but I totally am, and I'm grateful.  I can see why a lot of people like this field.  The good parts are some of the best in all medicine, in my opinion. 

At any rate, I can deliver a baby now.  Have done twice.  The pushing and crowning part (as the baby's head passes through the birth canal) grosses me out a bit, but catching the baby, all warm and squirmy and new, is really gratifying.  Partly it's because I've always felt like there's a short list of quintessential doctor things.  It's a silly, arbitrary list but that doesn't change its visceral importance to me: sew up a cut, resuscitate someone, deliver a baby, listen to heart and lungs, give bad news.  I've done all but the last now.  It's sort of staggering to realise that.  I'm still a rank beginner, but the experience really is coming.

I am really, for real, in all seriousness, no joke, going to be a doctor one day.  And not one day off in the misty future.  I am going to be a doctor in a year and a half.

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In other news, I've put my finger on what's bothering me about liking emergency medicine so much.  It was my very first rotation, and I would have been happy to do anything (I think) as long as it wasn't more class.  And it was a great time.  What I need to help get some perspective is to find some things I don't like about the field.  It's worrying to have only positive things to say; usually that's a sign that you've lost your objectivity in that situation.  If, however, I had some negatives to consider, I would feel much more secure in my preferences.